Overcoming my shadow self

The miracle of my breath tells me to be happy, confident and generous; my shadow self tells me otherwise - to be wary, cautious, penny-pinching and miserable.

Every day now, I focus on giving up my "right" to be miserable.

And today, I read the 29 June entry from Leo Tolstoy's Calendar of Wisdom, which has sparked this post.

The count views misery and depression like this - in his usual unequivocal, straightforward way:

"Depression is a state of the soul in which you can see no sense in either your own life or in the life of the world. This state is not only painful for the people around you, but it can influence them, and a truly good person deals with this unpleasantness, when he is alone. When you have had bad spirits or are in a low mood, or you are irritated, you should be so in solitude.

When everything you see appears in dark, gloomy shades, and seems baleful, and you want to tell others only bad and unpleasant things, do not trust your perceptions. Treat yourseld as though you were drunk. Take no steps and actions until this state has disappeared.

You should never feel depressed.

A man should always feel happy, if he is unhappy, it means he is guilty.

O Lord, help me to always be happy and to rejoice following and fulfilling your will.

Both our physical sufferings and periods of depression are part ot our life in this world, and we should patiently wait until they are over, or our life is over."

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This is hardline stuff - and I agree that it is best to delay any important decision-making until misery has lifted. But total isolation to deal with depression. Well, I get the point that misery can be infectious, but a very important part of my humanity is to be able to share my misery with others and to help my friends and family bear their particular load.

This approach, which is based on the "a problem shared is a problem halved" premise, is valid for me, but is only "half" the battle. For profound unhappiness to shift, as the count says, prayer and reliance on our higher selves, or higher power, is pretty much essential...

So I am back where I started: in awe of the power that breathes life into me...

(The disturbing picture of Misery is sourced from a New Vic Theatre press release.)